The Power of ‘It Is What It Is’

-Karthik Gurumurthy

So November rolls around and my wife gets diagnosed with cancer. Then December decided we needed a sequel and my mom gets diagnosed with a completely different type of cancer. Because apparently the universe thought I needed a matching set.

Dealing with both of them at the same time has been a lot. I’ve learned way too much medical terminology and I’m juggling everyone’s schedules. They both need me, and I’m trying to stay strong for them while quietly freaking out on the inside.

“It is what it is” has become my go-to phrase and honestly the only thing stopping me from spiraling. Early on, I was a mess – googling everything at 2am, imagining every worst-case scenario on repeat. Turns out that didn’t help anyone, especially me.

Now when the panic starts creeping in, I hit pause and ask myself: “Can I actually do anything about this right this second?” If the answer’s no, I try to let it go. Does it always work? no. But it helps more than doom-scrolling medical forums at midnight.

My friend Susi (Sudarsanam Raman) and his wife Dr. Anu have been amazing. Anu got us connected with her best friend who talked my wife through all the treatment options and next steps.

After my mom’s diagnosis, Susi connected us with a surgeon friend right away. Surgery done, tumor out. My brother Aravind stepped up like a champ, took care of Amma through it all and was super strong during the whole thing.

Emotions are all over the place. Some days they’re scared and I need to stay calm. Other days I’m falling apart and just write in my journal because my friends have enough going on already.

When things get scary, I focus on one thing: we caught it early. EARLY. That’s huge. Good survival rates, proven treatments, all of it. It’s the best possible news in a terrible situation.

Dark humor helps. When my cousin Chitra asked how we’re doing, I said we’re “taking care of one cancer at a time.” Gotta find the humor in tumor where you can.

The waiting is brutal. Waiting for results, waiting to see how things are going, waiting for scans. That’s the hardest time for “it is what it is.” You want to do something but you can’t – you just have to wait. So I try to focus on right now instead of worrying about every what-if.

This is going to take time – like, a lot of time. Even with early-stage cancer, treatment isn’t quick and recovery isn’t quick. Some days will be okay, some days will suck. I can’t stay in panic mode for months or years, so I’ve gotta pace myself, take care of myself, and trust we’re doing the right things.

Honestly? Some days I’m terrible at this. I’m grumpy, I zone out, or I sit in my car (in the garage) crying before I can go inside. And that’s okay. “It is what it is” also means accepting that I’m just a person, this really sucks, and I don’t have to be perfect.

Those little gratitude moments help keep the fear from completely taking over.