Striving Towards Excellence

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Everyone makes mistakes. What really tells you about a person is how they respond once they realize they’ve hurt or let someone down. Real remorse means they understand the impact of what they did, not just that they got caught or that things went wrong. They feel it, and it shows.

When someone genuinely cares about how their mistake affected you, it says something important: they value you, and they value the relationship. They’re not just trying to smooth things over or make the awkward moment go away. They want to make it right because you matter to them.

What real remorse looks like:

• They take ownership without being pushed. They don’t wait for you to confront them.
• They focus on how you were affected, not on how bad they feel or how hard their day was.
• They skip the excuses. There’s no “but,” as in “I’m sorry, but I was really busy.”
• They don’t shift the blame onto someone else or the circumstances.
• They want to know how to fix it or make it up to you.

What it’s not:

• “Sorry you feel that way,” which puts the problem on you.
• A quick, flat “my bad” just to move on.
• An apology that turns into a long story about why it wasn’t really their fault.
• Being sorry only because there’s a consequence for them.

For example, a coworker accidentally sends the wrong file to an important client, and you’re the one who has to explain it in the next meeting. Instead of shrugging it off or acting like it’s no big deal, they come find you before you even bring it up. They say, “I’m really sorry. I know that made you look bad in front of the client, and I feel terrible about it. I’ve already sent the correct file with a note explaining it was my error. Is there anything else I can do to help clean this up?”

Notice what they did: they came to you first, named exactly how it affected you, took full responsibility, and started fixing it without being asked.
A sincere apology isn’t about saying the perfect words. It’s about whether the person truly feels the weight of what happened and cares about the impact on you. That kind of remorse is the first sign someone is ready to grow, because people can only change what they first genuinely care about. When you see it, it’s a good sign that this is someone you can trust, work with, and build a relationship with.